Those ghastly Irish

Chaps,

How much longer must we put up with these feral Irishmen bossing us around?  Not content with bullying The Guardian's moderators into chasing away myself and the splendid Stephen Taser, they have now turned their sights on The Sunday Times's Stephen Jones.  One bog-trotter wrote to him:

Your absolute bias against Irish rugby is bordering on racism. Although Ireland and in particular Munster provide you wrong again and again, you cannot look past your mental block that is Irish rugby. Diarmuid, Wicklow

Mr Jones replied, quite delightfully: 

SJ: I am not biased against Irish rugby, although I could be persuaded to be biased against pious, politically correct bilge-mongers who seem to be under the impression that their team has won 290 grand slams, and not one.

Quite so.  They are bilge-mongers of the highest order, completely intolerant of opposing points of view and completely fixated with perceived slights.  This, however, is not surprising: the Irish have been a savage, unruly and disagreeable mob for centuries. 

What is surprising is the extent to which these drunken psychopaths have somehow wormed their way into the fabric of British life to such an extent that we have been forced to: re-name our touring rugger team (no longer the "British Lions"; now the ever so politically correct "British and Irish Lions"); ban proud English yeomen from websites for daring to disagree with the hectoring leprechauns; pick all their ghastly, mediocre players even though everyone knows they can't hack it at the highest level; and spend the entirety of 2009 complimenting them on their grinding, dreary Grand Slam. 

I see no reason why these hateful people should even be permitted to tour with the British Lions.  After all, the Lions are a product of Empire.  They were formed at a time when Ireland was part of the United Kingdom.  The spud munchers have since made it perfectly clear that they do not wish to have anything to do with us, so why in God's name must we tolerate their presence in our rugger teams?  Really, it is as if Britain were to withdraw from the European Union tomorrow and then spend the next twenty years bossing around the French and Germans. 

I don't know about you chaps, but I am thoroughly pipped by this egregious state of affairs.  I might well speak to Lord Emsworth about it this evening.  He has a vast estate in Ireland and endeavours to treat the local peasants with humanity and condescension.  It now seems that such benevolence is ill-advised.  The Irish understand only the whip.  I shall urge Lord Emsworth to strike down his peasants with an unyielding Anglo-Saxon fist.  Insolence and impudence cannot go unpunished.

Yours, etc
Viscount Crouchback