What ho, Britons!Well, old chums, with their economy sinking faster than Robert Maxwell's corpse, it was only a matter of time before the Irish came crawling back and begged to be readmitted to the Empire. Doubtless this move is a mere prelude to an official request to return to the warm bosom of the United Kingdom proper. Britannia's breast looks awfully cosy when one is about to be slung out of the Euro for being a feckless cur.
But should we take the ungrateful blighters back? Not, I think, until they bow the knee and issue a full and frank apology to Her Majesty for their disgraceful conduct during the past ninety years. Our poor Queen has been banned from Eire as if she were some sort of terrorist (ironic given that terrorism is one of Eire's few remaining successful exports, what!) whilst the ghastly "President" McAleese has been given free rein to traipse around the UK giving it the old Irish blarney.
Now, we Britons are generous souls. We have done our damnedest to civilise our poor, backward neighbour over the past eight hundred years - for precious little thanks, it must be said - and I am quite certain that none of us would wish to turn poor old Paddy away, even if his difficulties are mostly self-inflicted, a result of self-delusion and fecklessness and all those other most unfortunate traditional Irish character traits.
No, one should never give up on one's fellow man. We'll jolly well set Paddy on the straight and narrow and put a bit of good old British common sense into the fellow. But first, Paddy knows what he must do. It's a very simple word and it begins with "s" and it's not really all that hard to say.