What ho, bounders!
Sometimes, chums, I feel like a foreigner in my own land. I nipped into Boots at the weekend to buy a new batch of Viagra - the little chap needs a bit of help these days, alas! - and was made to feel distinctly awkward by the Mohammedan shop assistant. She was one of those hook nosed types who covers their hair with a grotty piece of cloth. When I asked for the prescription, she lowered her head as if I just had demanded a quick feel and scurried off to ask the manager to serve me instead. I felt like some sort of deviant. What's the matter with her then, I asked the manager. Oh, you know, she's one of those, he said. A damn Musselwoman, I asked? Yes, I'm afraid so, he said.
Well, not a lot I could do really was there, chaps? I'd have liked to have given the cheeky mare a good thwack with my walking cane, but I contented myself with a subtle thrust of the pelvis as I walked past her to the exit. She promptly dropped her bundle and fled to the lav. Let's hope I don't spend the next month in the clink for contravening the Race Relations Act.
Yours, etc
Viscount Crouchback
Apologies for being so foward, my Lord, and I understand it to be a most private (yet for some reason, fashionable these days) affliction.
But doesn't my Lord have a member of staff he can dispatch for the little blue pills? With a covering story of it being for Lord Emsworth, so as not to cause embarressment for the innocent courier.
Just a thought.
Although I'm sure that surely brigand Andrew K will no doubt be in possession of more colourful advice. I blame his parents.
Posted by: Lawerence | 29 March 2010 at 01:41 PM
Silly religion. They should all be good RC's.
Posted by: Darwinia | 29 March 2010 at 01:42 PM
Surely you are a God-fearing Calvinist, old duck?
Posted by: Viscount Crouchback | 29 March 2010 at 02:01 PM
Lawrence - I considered asking Adebayo, the new stable hand, to pick them up, but I feared that the randy blighter would munch them all himself.
Posted by: Viscount Crouchback | 29 March 2010 at 03:27 PM
Forgive me for lacking such obvious foresight, my Lord.
Entrusting delivery of your 'shunting-biscuits' to a randy Nigerian would only have ended in tears. His tears, that is.
Posted by: Lawrence | 29 March 2010 at 05:00 PM
Don't you have a "plumper" m'lord? What's the point of servants who don't serve?
Posted by: Mr Sheen | 29 March 2010 at 09:59 PM
God feaaring Calvinist? Did they not become extinct with the Dodo?
Posted by: darwinia | 30 March 2010 at 08:22 PM