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10 April 2010

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It's Cape Town not Capetown

I'll be sure to pass that on to Whitehall, JG.

And don't worry, your cover wont be compromised.

If Capetown was good enough for Sir Alfred (and is still good enough for Pimms!), then it's good enough for me.

No mention of Baden-Powell? His steadfast leadership during the siege of Mafeking makes one proud to be an Englishman - and he found plenty of time for japery as well to keep the morale of the men up!

Shut your mouth bastard. This blog has the white tendency. Stop writing about Africa you agent. What is that little thing you are covering with your trousers? Go away and play with your little thing white man. We will crush the imperialists and the boers.

You haven't been linking your magnanimous blog to tribal message boards have you, my Lord?

Sadly not, Lawrence. Indeed, I was rather under the impression that the tribesmen of Africa communicated by vuvuzela rather than the internet. Mr Malema would seem to be something of an outlier perhaps?

By the way, Mr Malema, my todger might not quite be up to African standards but my good friend Adebayo can confirm that it hits the spot rather sweetly nonetheless.

Internet aside, it seems that the only means of communication that exist among native Africans these days, my Lord, is the barrel of a gun or the Dollar. Which nearly always go hand-in-hand.

They may have been bestowed with a few more inches of swinging meat. But we Englishmen will always have the bigger gun.

Haha. Quite so, old bean!

(Not to mention the bigger brain!)

My Lord, I fear our spear-chucking friend might be the one destined to seal the deal on the inevitable Mobutu-isation of SA. Trouble is, with a defence budget close to 3 billion quid, his generation of child-soldiers might be tempted to ditch the machetes in favour of big-boys toys. Forget Simon Mann, i think we need to go official on this one and nip it in the bud with a full-scale invasion. At least till we relieve them of the last of their minerals anyhow. They'll thank us for it.

I daresay you're right, old bean. God knows we British need some lebensraum. My chosen course of action would be to land in Durban and then thrust up through Ladysmith and Majuba to the veld. We could take the savages from the front and the Boers could sweep in from their dusty dorps in the western Transvaal and do them from the rear.

Cameron, incidentally, is rumoured to be sound on the African question. He was only too happy to accept the Dutch chappies' hospitality in the 1980s. But would he have the balls for a full-scale invasion? Alas, I suspect not. Time, perhaps, for the Guards to launch that long whispered over coup.

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