What ho, proles!
I had the most awful dream last night. I dreamed that some pious Tab with nary a quarter of Saxon blood in his veins was on the verge of seizing power in Blighty. I dreamt that this foreign interloper was intent on ditching Britannia's nukes, on giving all our powers to the EU, and on letting hordes of Mohammedans flood into our leafy shires. The worst part of the nightmare was that the peasantry, rather than pushing this villainous cur into the Channel with their pitchforks, instead chose to welcome him with open arms and acclaim him for his honesty.
Just how damned stupid are the British people? It beggars belief that half the proletariat can switch votes merely because some pleasant-looking chap turns up on their plasma television screens and proclaims himself a new sort of politician. What sort of empty headed fools live in this country of ours? It makes me damned angry. So angry, in fact, that I spent yesterday afternoon touring the countryside in my Bentley taking random pot shots at any home displaying the Liberal candidate's posters.
I fear this benighted land of ours is about to be saddled with Lib-Lab coalition for the next hundred years. This is what happens when you allow degenerates, hoodlums and primitives to vote in mass elections. I say in all seriousness that if Clegg and Brown take power then I shall personally launch a secessionist movement with the intention of forming some sort of Orania-type community deep in the heart of Sussex. Crouchbackland perhaps? My yeomanry militia have sworn a blood oath to their liege lord and are chomping at the bit for action. Voters, you've been warned.
Yours, etc
Viscount Crouchback
I had the most awful dream last night. I dreamed that some pious Tab with nary a quarter of Saxon blood in his veins was on the verge of seizing power in Blighty. I dreamt that this foreign interloper was intent on ditching Britannia's nukes, on giving all our powers to the EU, and on letting hordes of Mohammedans flood into our leafy shires. The worst part of the nightmare was that the peasantry, rather than pushing this villainous cur into the Channel with their pitchforks, instead chose to welcome him with open arms and acclaim him for his honesty.
Just how damned stupid are the British people? It beggars belief that half the proletariat can switch votes merely because some pleasant-looking chap turns up on their plasma television screens and proclaims himself a new sort of politician. What sort of empty headed fools live in this country of ours? It makes me damned angry. So angry, in fact, that I spent yesterday afternoon touring the countryside in my Bentley taking random pot shots at any home displaying the Liberal candidate's posters.
I fear this benighted land of ours is about to be saddled with Lib-Lab coalition for the next hundred years. This is what happens when you allow degenerates, hoodlums and primitives to vote in mass elections. I say in all seriousness that if Clegg and Brown take power then I shall personally launch a secessionist movement with the intention of forming some sort of Orania-type community deep in the heart of Sussex. Crouchbackland perhaps? My yeomanry militia have sworn a blood oath to their liege lord and are chomping at the bit for action. Voters, you've been warned.
Yours, etc
Viscount Crouchback
The Whig is a devious sort. From the usurpation of the Stuart monarchy, to the abandonment of our American and Irish territories, to the gradual extension of the suffrage, the Whig has always schemed to bring about the destruction of the monarchy and aristocracy. We must be extremely vigilant with these blighters, or before you know it Her Majesty and her family will be going the same way as Tsar Nicholas II!
Posted by: Andrew | 19 April 2010 at 01:55 PM
Damn right, old bean. Pious buggers too.
Posted by: Viscount Crouchback | 19 April 2010 at 02:43 PM
It seems in this ungrateful day and age that a powerful, respected and wealthy Britain just isn't fashionable amongst the apologetic, bleeding heart liberals who want to lead us into a future whereby everyone loves each other and never offends their fellow man.
Being a liberal is just an act. There whole concept goes against human nature i.e - if some clan of Gypsies makes camp on your land and refuses to budge, you feel - deep down - like removing them through violence. Not putting them up in your orchard.
Posted by: Lawrence | 19 April 2010 at 03:36 PM