What ho, Tories!
Quite right. Let the buggers go it alone. I don't mind keeping the Welsh for the time being. England and Wales have been joined at the hip for 800 years and the Welsh, to their credit, seem capable of asserting their cultural pride in a non-chippy, non-tribalist fashion. The Tories were the second biggest party in Wales. The Scotch, on the other hand, have far less native culture than the Welsh - stabbings, Buckfast and deep fried Mars bars excepted - and (not coincidentally) are infinitely more insecure. Amenable Scotchmen would of course be most welcome to take the high road south to add their energies to burnishing England's glory. The rest of the Pictish savages should be herded into the Highlands and kept in pens.
I would also put the DUP on notice. This bolshie "England's strife is Northern Ireland's opportunity" nonsense is completely intolerable and wholly unworthy of a party supposedly committed to the Union. Young Paisley Junior needs his bottom smacked.
Yours, etc
Viscount Crouchback
The BBC confirms my suspicions: the Tories would have won a great stonking majority if the election had been conducted in England alone:
Full England Scoreboard
| Party | Seats | Gain | Loss | Net | Votes | % | +/-% |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Conservative | 297 | 95 | 3 | +92 | 9,911,062 | 39.6 | +3.9 |
| Labour | 191 | 2 | 89 | -87 | 7,037,229 | 28.1 | -7.4 |
| Liberal Democrat | 43 | 8 | 12 | -4 | 6,067,303 | 24.2 | +1.3 |
So it was only the tribal voting of sweaty, heroin-addicted Scotchmen and chippy Welsh coal-miners that stopped Cam the Man claiming his rightful place in Downing Street. Incredibly, there was actually a swing to Labour in Scotland! Iain Murray sums up my view:
If I had my druthers, I'd offer a deal to the Scottish Nationalists for a referendum on Scottish independence. The Scots have clearly and decisively rejected unionism, so it is time for them to taste the consequences of that rejection. The public finances of the United Kingdom of England, Wales, and Northern Ireland would improve markedly and the Conservatives would have a solid majority. I can't see why this option isn't on the table.
Quite right. Let the buggers go it alone. I don't mind keeping the Welsh for the time being. England and Wales have been joined at the hip for 800 years and the Welsh, to their credit, seem capable of asserting their cultural pride in a non-chippy, non-tribalist fashion. The Tories were the second biggest party in Wales. The Scotch, on the other hand, have far less native culture than the Welsh - stabbings, Buckfast and deep fried Mars bars excepted - and (not coincidentally) are infinitely more insecure. Amenable Scotchmen would of course be most welcome to take the high road south to add their energies to burnishing England's glory. The rest of the Pictish savages should be herded into the Highlands and kept in pens.
I would also put the DUP on notice. This bolshie "England's strife is Northern Ireland's opportunity" nonsense is completely intolerable and wholly unworthy of a party supposedly committed to the Union. Young Paisley Junior needs his bottom smacked.
Yours, etc
Viscount Crouchback
Well said. Either that, or turn Scotland into one single constituency with just one seat at Westminster. That should confuse the chippy chappies.
If we do we grant them independence, I suggest we continue to allow them to sign up to the British Army. There are of course some marvellous Scotch regiments.
Posted by: Hugo H | 08 May 2010 at 07:05 PM
A Paisley getting spanked is a horrible image..."Ulster says yes, yes, harder!"
Posted by: Mr Sheen | 09 May 2010 at 10:47 AM
Viscount, thanks very much. I have to admit I was quite ignorant of all this.
I think the UK needs to reintroduce Christianity! It's a catastrophe what's happened to your glorious island. I'm very serious: Throw Dawkins and Rowan Williams in The Tower; both as bad as each other.
Here's an interesting article form Paul "Olympic medal tally" Sheehan
http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/politics/for-moochers-by-moochers-browns-disunited-kingdom-20100509-ulp8.html?rand=1273413636876
ceo
Posted by: The CEO | 10 May 2010 at 09:26 AM
Sheehan is quite right. The chappie Sheridan at The Australian also "gets it". Remarkable, is it not, that Irish-descended colonials seem to have a better grasp of British affairs than does the clueless BBC.
I agree about the Army, Hugo. Let Sweaty McJock keep spilling blood for Blighty. It's the best hope he has of earning gainful employment.
Posted by: Viscount Crouchback | 10 May 2010 at 09:36 AM
This entire thing is shocking, my lord. recession, expences scandal, war in Afghan/Iraq and the the f@%*%$*s still won't vote Tory! One is agast!
Posted by: darwinia | 10 May 2010 at 09:08 PM
It's been fascinating to see the Scottish people reacting with fear, rage and dismay to any suggestions that they be forcibly removed from England's bosom.
Scottish people seem to want all the respect and pride that comes from being an independent nation, but none of the responsibility.
Sorry chumps, you can't have your cake and eat it. The current situation, whereby you prance about in your kilts and toss your cabers and talk about how much you hate the Sassenachs, while simultaneously relieving the English taxpayer of billions upon billions of pounds to subsidise your lazy population and backward economy, is completely untenable.
Time to stand on your own two feet. We'll see how bonnie you are then!
Posted by: DD | 10 May 2010 at 11:51 PM
Nah being lazy is key
Posted by: Frank McSharry | 18 May 2010 at 01:44 AM
On a related note, it's comforting to see that the Prime Minister, the Mayor of London, the Minister of the Cabinet Office, the Minister for Northern Ireland and the Leader of the House of Commons are all Old Etonians.
Things are as they should be.
Posted by: Jake | 21 May 2010 at 02:10 PM
I hope our good Lord Crouchback is well and good, its been some time since he has updated us mere pleiades with the musing of a true nobleman
I fear the almighty may have called back one of his most trusted lieutenants
Posted by: Danny | 07 June 2010 at 03:35 PM
I hope the Con-Lib coalition hasn't sent him over the edge.
Come on now your Lordship. Time to get back in the satirical saddle and dig the spurs in deep.
Posted by: Lawrence | 08 June 2010 at 05:24 PM
I think Australia play England this weekend?
And we love you Viscount.
ceo
Posted by: The CEO | 08 June 2010 at 06:57 PM
Viscount where are you. Still alive or in your French Chateau for the summer??
Posted by: Paul | 10 June 2010 at 11:30 AM
My dear Viscount, deriliction of ones duties is a serious charge more beffiting dusky colonials rather than a man of rich Anglo blood such as yourself. Come now, the fate of all worthy Englishmen is to dedicate oneself to the onerous task of enlightening his fellow man!
Posted by: Charles H | 13 June 2010 at 03:06 AM
I say, dear Sir, I know you are probably on your yacht in the mediteranian, but this is rather a long silence.
Posted by: darwinia | 29 June 2010 at 06:55 PM
Well, I see the darker coloured chaps have put the kibosh on white Howard. What a disgrace! Nothing but a bunch of bigoted and dishonourable upstarts!
ceo!
Oh, and in case you haven't heard, dear Viscount, Australia now has a red headed Welsh born, socialist woman as our Prime Minister! Yep, it's been one of those weeks.
Posted by: The CEO | 30 June 2010 at 02:17 PM
Where are you Sir, God damn it? My work has become inrcreasingly dull and I now have nothing to liven up my afternoons.
Posted by: Hypatia | 09 July 2010 at 10:38 AM
Viscount, is this stunning specimen of Catholic Monarchist Beef enough to jolt you from your slumber? Surely!
Check it out!: http://www.genxjourney.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/212259-tony-abbott-091130.jpg
Crouchers, Tony needs you! He's in the fight of life. Let's not see him humiliated by that ghastly Welsh born athiest and socialist, Julia Gillard.
Her Majesty's realm is at stake! Join the fight before it's too late! C'mon chaps, c'mon...
ceo!!!
Posted by: ceo | 19 July 2010 at 05:39 PM