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08 November 2010


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This is an absolute outrage, my Lord. Rest assured, that as a resident the sprawling smoke, I shall be dispatching my finest liveried footmen to track down this impudent mulatto and have his fat arse striped!

Thank you, Lawrence. But Hammond's office has been in touch with my gentleman to advise that the driver in question - a Mr Linford Adams of Bucknall Drive, Croydon - was flayed at 3.47 this afternoon in the central courtyard of Transport House. Mr Adams was later taken to hospital but is said to be in a good condition. One hopes he has learned his lesson.

Here's another and better way to hit Hammond and his ludicrous HS2 rail scheme.

Sign the StopHS2 petition at -


Haha! I'm such an anglophile. A gentleman headed for Twickers by bus. Super stuff!

Dear Viscount, that hamper looks superb, even in cyberspace (have you heard of Google, Sir? You'd be amazed! You could virtually visit, if you so desired, all the great colonies in their prime (by viewing pictures, reading stories etc online via your computer!) I hope I haven't spoken above my station or sounded in any way impudent. If a rebuke is forthcoming, I shall have to accept it).

Thank you for writing your open letter,


My dear P,

Thank you so much for your advice. I just logged onto the Google page and typed in "Beefcake" and was most impressed with the speed and accuracy of the responses. I fear this afternoon's appointment with my bank manager might have to be postponed.

Yours in gratitude,

Oh, dear Crouchers, I've spotted a potential holiday house for you and Lady Crouchback. We'd love to have you down under...

A commute from Point Piper to Auckland next October for the semis and final would be quite doable, I'd say (certainly preferable to spending a full day and night in New Zealand).

By the way, the home currently belongs to a Member of the Australian Parliament, Malcolm Turnbull. I don't suppose you've heard of him?

Here's some particulars. Doesn't look too ghastly to me. But who am I to say:




I suspected such a line of googling might take place. Good luck with it,


Turnbull? That damned treasonous republican rotter? No Crouchback will ever darken that scoundrel's door!

No, old scout, if I am to venture down to the colonies, then I shall require the home of a nice, deferential Royalist family, preferably with a portrait of Queen Elizabeth above the mantel-piece and a virile young Brett Lee-lookalike on the house staff...


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