Mr Strauss and Mr Cook prove their pluck

What ho, cricketers!

By jove, chaps, have you ever seen such a marvellous display of pluck, phlegm and sheer bottom as that put on by Messrs Strauss (Radley and Durham) and Cook (Bedford) in the colonies overnight?  Major Strauss lifted the siege of the Gabba by launching a cavalry charge at the colonial lines, superbly supported by the infantrymen Cook and Trott.  It was simply magnificent.  Those loud-mouthed Australians strolled out to bowl in the cocky expectation of rolling England up by tea but they hadn't reckoned on the reserves of courage and gumption instilled by a traditional English public school education.  Strauss and Cook played in precisely the manner one would expect of pukka English chaps under pressure.  Unflappable, elegant, cheery - it was a most heartening advertisement for the merits of traditional English schooling. 

Pity the poor oiks on the Australian team who have to bowl to our chaps.  Young Johnson, in particular, displays all the daffodil qualities for which the Australian is rightly scorned.  Muscles and a beefy arse to die for, but not an ounce of pluck in his entire body!  (And what a ghastly, rat-like face - straight out of the penal colony, that lad!)

The colonials know they are in a fight now.  I fully expect them to back down over the forthcoming tests.  Men possessed of the convict gene are quick to cower when they learn that the other man means business.  I look forward to the Adelaide test in the keen anticipation of a good beasting. 

Yours, etc

Viscount Crouchback

Comments

[Paul]

My Lord, sorry to intrude on your cricket missive... Why did you remove your bold script blog about the England vs SA game....? I do hope your beasting by the English/Dutch/other hybrids known as South Africa had nothing to do with it? Regards,

Paul

[Hilton H]

Ha Ha VC - you should know now that deleting comments does not go down well with us Yarpie types.

[Viscount Crouchback]

Sorry? I haven’t deleted anything. The post you mention is still there. Too much celebratory klippies-and-coke last night perhaps, old bean?

Well done to your chaps by the way. A timely reminder of the importance of beef.

[CEO]

Straight out of a penal colony? Quite possibly.

But what about the wretch below! Where the dickens has he come from?

Check out that gold chain!

My lord, what should we do with this ghastly Keith Macdonald?

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/sex-relationships/keith-macdonald-who-has-13-children-from-12-woman-to-have-four-more/story-e6frf01i-1225962959026

ceo

[Lawrence]

CEO,

The specimen you've insulted our senses with should ideally be soaked in petrol and burnt. Though I fear you'd likely 'offend' someone by doing so. So, in his lordship's absence, I can only suggest chemical castration, or failing that, have his restless loins crushed between two bricks.

P.s. The gold chain no-doubt belonged to some heroic veteran of Korea before this little stain pinched it through violence.