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19 November 2010

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My Lord, how does Adebayo compare in the beef stakes?

Old bean, Adebayo is to beef what Achilles is to courage.

An astonishingly good specimen my lord. Have you let the lad know that he won?

Oh yes, I gave him a little tap on the rump with my walking cane and announced the good news. A most charming boy.

My Lord,

I’m interested in this Adebayo fellow. Is he a stocky and bestial specimen? How much does he weigh?

My uncle Paddy is looking for a new prize fighter you see. Up and down the whole width and breadth of this country back roads and community halls are packed to the gills for bare-knuckle boxing bouts. Paddy’s youngest and most valued son Shamrock Tyson died from a cerebral haemorrhage back in May and he has been looking to replace him ever since. Unfortunately his older son Hillary is a bit of a ladyboy.

Anyway, I reckon you could make about 80000 pounds a year if Adebayo won his fights my Lord. That’d be after my uncle takes his 50% cut of course. Recently Paddy has been having financial difficulties, he built several housing estates during the property boom and has an expensive addiction to cappuccinos and acupuncture.

Adebayo is a typical west African chappie - an arse like a hot air balloon, muscles as big as hams, and a todger that is occasionally mistaken for a rattlesnake.

I should dearly love to sell the blighter, but alas Lady Crouchback has rather taken a liking to the fellow.

Moreover, sad to say, but Adebayo is more of a lover than a fighter - and a rather enthusiastic lover at that.

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