What ho, rugger buggers!
I say, chaps, have you seen this? I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. This chappie Venter is not only a Boer but a psychopath - indeed, some might say the two amount to the same thing.
I have long defended the right of the English clubs to hire disadvantaged peoples from the most benighted corners of the globe. One simply dreads to think what would happen to poor little banana republics like Tonga, Samoa, Ireland and South Africa if the remittances home from their cashed-up rugger players suddenly stopped. I daresay the IMF would have to step in immediately. (What's that, Seamus? The IMF are already there? Oh golly!)
But frankly, chaps, I think some of these johnnies are starting to take the mick. Every Englishman learns from birth to: a) Hate the French; b) Love animals; and c) Never, ever, ever criticise the referee. But it is all too apparent that the Boer types who have infested the Premiership of late have not received the same schooling. Indeed, some of them seem not to have undergone any civilising process at all. It would not surprise me in the least to learn that Mr Venter was raised by a herd of wildebeest somewhere deep in the African savannah. The man is an utter barbarian and is clearly not fit to be admitted into the English rugger fraternity.
The RFU needs to keep a very close eye on this. We English are a benevolent breed but we do not take kindly to savages running amok and undermining the very fabric of our sporting order. If these chaps can't behave like gentlemen, then I'm afraid the RFU will have to boot them back to Boerland.
Johnny Dutchman - you have been warned.
Yours, etc
Viscount Crouchback
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