Ms Hurley and Warne - surely some mistake?

What ho, boffers!

I say, chaps, I can't quite believe this Elizabeth Hurley/Shane Warne story.  Admittedly Liz is a randy old harlot, and Shane is clearly a boffer extraordinaire, but heavens above, is it really plausible that a pukka English shire filly should drop her knickers for a try-hard colonial pleb like Warne?  Have you seen the fellow's face lately?  He looks like he's spent the past year in Dr Frankenstein's Laboratory of Eternal Youth.

Of course, there is a rather naive sub-section of English fillies (particularly those irritating creatures from St Mary's, Calne) who go a bit weak at the knees where colonials are concerned.  Naturally, no English girl would ever dream of marrying a colonial, but some of them do harbour unpleasant fantasies of being rodgered beneath the southern cross by some tanned, muscled Adonis by the name of Brett or Glenn.

(The reality, of course, is that Australia is now statistically the fattest nation on earth, and the Bretts and Glenns are about as virile and manly as, well, Michael Clarke).

Still, some fillies can be a bit naive.  However, I had rather imagined that Elizabeth Hurley was amongst the savvier of her breed.  Indeed, having read Warne's twitter box page and discovered that the man expresses himself in the manner of a particularly excitable 13 year old Californian girl, it simply beggars belief that Ms Hurley could be so damned foolish.  Indeed, I venture to suggest that she has demeaned not only herself but Englishwomen everywhere.  The whole ghastly episoe is utterly infra dig.

I suppose we can chalk this frightful episode up as 1-0 for the colonials but, thankfully, I shall be venturing down to the colonies myself over Christmas and look forward to redressing the balance.  My chums inform me that one has merely to recite a line of Virgil and the local "sheilas" become putty in one's arms.  I plan to put my walking cane to good use. 

It should be 4-0 to England in Sydney and hopefully 10-0 to Crouchers.

Yours, etc

Viscount Crouchback

Comments

[Royston Bunbury, esq]

I'm afraid, milord, that you are failing to take into account the yawning chasm between Ms Hurley's utterly marvellous looks and her personality, which resembles a bulldog chewing a wasp.
Despite his obvious oikishness, the botoxed larrikin is ahead of her in the non-physical charm department. (And did you see the oily wog she was married to? Technically handsome but distinctly creepy.)
I'm encouraged by the whole episode. With the simple investment of a few thou in dental work, hairpulgs, bleach and the injection of botulism into my face, I could soon snap up a fine filly!

[Chucky Arla]

I get the impression that My Lord is unaware of Mrs.Hurley's ethnic background.

[Viscount Crouchback]

Oh really? A Jewess perhaps? I should have guessed - one seldom sees knockers like that on a Saxon filly.

[JimB]

From wiki:

"Her Irish father was a Major in the British Army, while her Anglican mother was a teacher at Kempshott Infant School."

[Chucky Arla]

Even worse than a Jewess I'm afraid.

Half-Irish(the good looking half).

The true shire fillies must be nothing short of repulsive if My Lord has to start claiming our women!

[Blondy2]

She's only ever been known for the men off whose arms she dangles. A professional consort and a hopeless flake. Lovely tits, though, granted.

[Sebastian Smoothie Chops]

My Lord, you might be interested to learn that Tremlett appears to have evened the score up at 1-1.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/confidential/model-samantha-king-bowled-over-by-english-ashes-star-chris-tremlett/story-e6frf96x-1225970550802