What ho, Englishmen!
Bloody hell, chaps, I've seen some beastings in my time but I don't think I've ever seen a monstering quite like that. The colonials were rodgered! Utterly, monstrously, brutally rodgered!
Has the medical industry yet devised a cream to salve the nether regions after a beasting like that? I rather doubt it. I suspect that Bruce Shackledragger will be dragging his chains and rubbing his arse all the way to Perth.
A special word for the superb Mr Strauss and also for his alma mater, Radley College. Strauss's games master famously said of him that "there was no boy at Radley with whom one would rather be stuck up a gum tree". Quite so. But how wonderful to learn that Strauss also has the Jardine-like ruthlessness to give the uppity colonials a good and proper spanking even when Bruce is pleading for mercy. The man is a walking advertisement for English public schools.
So, John Bull's foot is on Bruce's throat. Let's keep it there. I want to see them grovel.
Yours, etc
Viscount Crouchback
...yet another chapter is added to the Ashes' colourful history:
http://www.smh.com.au/sport/cricket/cricket-legends-come-to-blows-at-ashes-20101207-18o28.html
ceo
Posted by: CEO | 07 December 2010 at 06:07 AM
If they weren't interrupted, who do you reckon would have won?
Botham certainly has age and size on his side, but, unless he was able to land a solid clean yeoman style blow early, I'd back Chappell to cause quite a bit of grief if he could get himself in really close. It would be a no holds barred, win at all costs event -- testicular grappling, biting, head butting and a bit of choking perhaps.
What an intriguing prospect!
ceo
Posted by: CEO | 07 December 2010 at 07:10 AM
Sorry to head a bit off topic...
But what about this Julian Assange wiki bloke that you Poms have taken into custody?
Is he a traitorous self-aggrandizing lefty or a traitorous self-aggrandizing lefty rapist?
Either way, whack the blighter in the Tower or lop off his head. I couldn't care less!
What do you reckon, Crouchers?
ceo
Posted by: CEO | 07 December 2010 at 02:22 PM
Well at least one Aussie has a bit of fight in him! But Chappell is lucky his chums intervened - Botham would have ripped his bally head off!
As for Assange, I think Daniel Craig should be invited to do his worst. The man is pure Bond villain.
Posted by: Viscount Crouchback | 08 December 2010 at 08:56 AM
Predictions for the weekend's Heino matches my lord? Also, I believe you will find the last two paragraphs of this article most interesting: http://www.independent.ie/sport/rugby/touchlines-champagne-hape-and-riki-flighty-point-the-way-2452186.html
Posted by: Justin Fitzgerald | 09 December 2010 at 03:15 AM
Well, old scout, I would rather call it LoyalSonsofEmpire.com - and as we know, Morgan is not yet in the Test team, though I have high hopes that he will be a vast improvement on Collingwood in due course.
Dear old Colly seems to earn a place merely by being the man who sweats least in the team.
As for the H-Cup, I predict sore bottoms in Bath, Cardiff and Leinster come Monday. And I think the Ospreys will do a number on Munster (though admittedly that is perhaps a prediction borne more of hope than expectation).
Posted by: Viscount Crouchback | 09 December 2010 at 08:22 AM
Delighted to see you backing the Os in this one m'lud. Much depends, I feel, on how Berdos views the inevitable obliteration of the Munster scrum. If he applies the laws and rewards Adam Jones and co then I think we could be in business but unfortunately I suspect yer man Mushy and yer man de Bull will be able to collapse and pop up and perform all their usual tricks with impunity, so it's difficult to see beyond a home win I'm afraid.
Posted by: JimB | 09 December 2010 at 03:44 PM
These froggie refs are normally pretty strong at scrum time, old bean, so I think Jones will get his rewards if he squeezes well.
Posted by: Viscount Crouchback | 09 December 2010 at 04:46 PM