What ho, Englishmen!
Splendid news in from the colonies overnight. As I predicted earlier in the week, England are giving the penal colonists a damned good biffing in Adelaide. Bruce, as is his wont, has gone running for the hills at the first sight of John Bull's meaty fist.
So 245 a.o. Now England need to bat big and bat long. I want those shackledraggers chasing leather for two full days in the burning south Australian sun. I want them so frazzled and despondent that their very souls burn to cinders in the dust. I want them driven so deranged that they strip Ricky Ponting of his citizenship and cast him off on a flimsy wooden raft to live out the rest of his miserable existence on Van Diemen's Land.
In short, chaps, I want a beasting. No mercy!
Yours, etc
Viscount Crouchback
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