The Footer World Cup

What ho, gentlemen!

I’ve kept my counsel thus far on the FIFA world cup shenanigans.   I understand that tears were shed on council estates across the land as England's proletarian class came to terms with the awful realisation that the footer world cup wouldn’t be gracing our shores.   It didn't bother me so much.  I think footer is rotten from top to bottom, so if some Swiss gnome wants to send the tournament to Russia then that’s fine by me.

However, I did not relish the sight of our future King crawling on his hands and knees to the bumptious little toerags who make up the FIFA Executive Committee.  Nor did I enjoy the sight of our Prime Minister, Mr Cameron, dropping everything at Westminster to do likewise.  I expect my Prime Minister to concern himself with matters of state, not with where some oikball tournament happens to be played every four years.  It was - how can I put this? - somewhat infra dig. 

It seems to me that there is a very obvious problem with football.  Quite simply, too many foreigners play the game.  And not just any old foreigners either but the very worst type of foreigners: greasy, dusky, devious breeds from the darkest corners of the globe.  Sinister peasants who shake you by the hand and remove your watch in one smooth, cunning movement. 

It is no surprise that our robust colonial cousins in the other English-speaking countries treat the game with scorn.  They are quite right to do so.  But I do hope that the disgraceful events in Zurich give the RFU pause for thought the next time they are tempted to "spread the rugby gospel".  For if spreading the gospel means sharing power with assorted Georgians and Russians and Portuguese, then I think rugger is better off remaining a sect than a religion. 

Rugby is perfect as it is: the Englishman rules the roost in benign and benevolent fashion, the colonials and Celts do as they are told, and the greaseballs are grateful merely to be included.  It is just as the world ought to be.  We tamper at our peril. 

Yours, etc

Viscount Crouchback

Comments

[Kitchener]

Excellent post old chap.

The worst mistake we English ever made was exporting what was once a noble and honourable game for gentlemen to the swarthy greaseballs of the Mediterrannean and the wife-beaters of eastern Europe.

We should have left them to stick spears into bulls, slide around on ice and snow, beat the living daylights out of one another or whatever else passes for sport in those godforsaken places. Instead we have these decidedly rum lesser breeds with names like Nani and Berbatov throwing themseves to the ground and feigning agony, blatantly trying to cheat the referee while earning more in a month than the stout rugger chaps earn in a career.

It's a sad state of affairs made worse by the likes of Prince William and Mr Cameron toadying up to these vulgar and common FIFA bounders in the hope of winning the Oikball WC bid and having more of these obnoxious continental louts polluting our fair shores.

Let the Russians have it . . . and let's keep our dignity!

[darwinia]

Rugby: The Englishman rules the roost. How so? Getting clobbered at Twickenham by the All Blacks and the Springboks do not sound like ruling now, my Lord. Seems like English rugby is taking a bow far too often.

[Viscount Crouchback]

Quite right, Kitch. And let's reject the emasculation of the game while we're at it. Footer was once a robust game for robust chaps. The FA ought to make it so once again and if the Euroweenies don't like it, sod 'em!

I was referring to off-field matters, Darwinia. In rugger, when an Englishman wants the world cup on his turf, he jolly well gets it.

[utnapishtm]

My lord,
Your sentiments are echoed by antagonistic, half-malay rugby writer (and former Quins, England and Lions hooker) Brian Moore
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/rugbyunion/international/england/8182547/Brian-Moore-IRB-must-ensure-it-never-follows-in-Fifas-footsteps-and-encourages-transparent-World-Cup-voting-system.html