Samuel slaps Seamus

What ho, Englishmen!

Martin Samuel is one of my favourite sports journalists; or at least, he was when he wrote such erudite columns for the Times.  Now at the Mail, he has had to rather dumb down his act to appease the earthier tastes of lower middle-class England (and he focuses far too much on oikball) but he retains an uncanny knack of cutting through the poppycock and avoiding the kneejerk self-flagellation so common amongst certain Englishmen.  I suspect this is because Mr Samuel is an east London Jew whose slight distance from traditional Englishness paradoxically leads him to a much clearer appreciation of just how jolly decent the English really are. 

Mr Samuel was not impressed by the rabid anti-Englishness he encountered in Dublin:

After a week of Irish glory and glorification at Cheltenham and two very jolly days in Dublin to follow, many Englishmen would have felt the bond between our countries had become rather civilised these days.

So it came as something of a surprise to pick up the newspapers on Monday and discover what really inspired Ireland's Six Nations victory over England at the Aviva Stadium: hatred.

Andrew Trimble, the Ireland wing, let this slip, describing a rallying call from lock and most recent Lions captain Paul O'Connell prior to the game. 'I always love listening to him during England week,' Trimble said.

'We wanted to get everything right technically, but we also wanted to use our physicality, our intensity, just a real hatred. We never get sick of beating England; that is why we enjoyed the win so much. There's a lot of history there.'

Indeed there is. Like the European Union's £73.7billion bailout for the failing Irish economy last November, that could end up costing British taxpayers in the region of £6.07bn.

Not many songs about that on Saturday, though, just the usual one about prison ships, prison walls and a terrible famine that took place 160 years ago yet is still thrown in the face of every visitor in an England shirt, as if it was cooked up in the Harlequins dressing room last Tuesday.

Maybe next time Martin Johnson visits he could give a rousing and equally relevant speech before the game based on vengeance for all the little kiddies abused by Ireland's paedophile priests.

Or is it only the English who have entries in the history books of which their modern descendants might be ashamed?

Harsh?  Perhaps a little.  Certainly, there is a thorougly decent sort of Irishman (perhaps 1 in 4 of them) who does not deserve to be lumped into the "mental Mick" category.  But I do think Mr Samuel expresses well just how utterly wearying it is for the English to be constantly confronted with this sort of low-level, chippy, begrudging attitude in which everything they do is perceived through this tedious historical prism.  I think we English are far too tolerant of what is, in effect, outright racism. 

Consider Nick Easter's ever so magnanimous words in the Telegraph:

We knew Ireland would be up for this one. Of course, they would. God bless the Celts. They all like getting stuck into England. And none of us would have it any other way.

God bless the Celts?  What sort of bally attitude is that?  It should be God Damn the Celts.  No wonder the buggers have beaten us 7 times in 8 games when we take such an indulgent attitude towards them.  No wonder David Walsh, writing in the Sunday Times, was moved to comment:

"England's response through the first half seemed to be: "If you guys want it this badly, you can have it""

Yes.  That is precisely how it looked.  Easter ought to be stripped of the captaincy permanently.  It is quite disgraceful for the captain of the England XV to display such lily-livered sentiments.

Of course, the most sickening part about it is that the Irish play like the aggrieved party when it is we who, in living memory, have suffered much more at their hands.  Irishmen have murdered literally thousands of British citizens over the past forty years.  The British Army killed barely a fraction of that figure, very few of them civilians.

Equally, we all remember the Croke Park match in '07 when the BBC when into over-drive to parrot the republican version of the events of the original Bloody Sunday.  We heard all about the disgraceful firing into the crowd on that day - but we heard not a jot about why the British Army was even at Croke Park in the first place, namely to seek to apprehend the bandits who, on that very Sunday morning, had murdered a dozen or so Britons in their beds - in their pyjamas, no less, as they lay alongside their wives - in their hotel bedrooms.  That aspect of the story, curiously, has been air-brushed from history.

It is a common complaint of the Irish that the English know nothing of their shared history.  I quite agree.  I think perhaps Nick Easter ought to educate himself in the barbarous ways of the Irish.  I hope to see a little anger the next time England play the Micks. 

Yours, etc

Viscount Crouchback

P.S. A rather heavy post, but one grows tired of hearing Irish players bringing history into it whenever this fixture is played.  The history cuts both ways. 

 

 

Comments

[Rob]

The funny thing about that article is how it's entirely based on Mr Samuel missing the point.

Andrew Trimble plays for Ulster, is from Coleraine and attended Queen's University. He would also be the furthest thing from a Nationalist on the team and he is taking about the history on the rugby pitch between England and Ireland.

The fact that Samuel sees the word 'history' and uses it as a jumping-off point for a vitriolic anti-Irish rant, speaks volumes about the man and his repressed guilt.

[Newson]

Lord Crouchback, allow me to begin by saying how relieved all right-thinking men are to see you back in the saddle and in such sparkling form.
However the frequency with which you have been delving into the red tops for inspiration since your return is beginning to cause concern.
Is this the result of some sort of Lenten observance?
Yours etc.

[Seán]

Nick Easter and the rest of the English back row are clearly students of history. The only appropriate attitude for an Englishman is a meek, humble sense of embarrassment. He must face the Irishman like an enfeebled elderly child molester, powerless to stop the righteous fury, even longing for vicious absolution. The carnage on the field reminds us all, annually, of the horrific penal laws.

[Justin Fitzgerald]

My Lord, I would have to agree with Rob. I remember one particular day in Blackrock College, Mr Trimble took us out for a training session and afterwards gave us a talk on how important his Protestantism is to his every day life; hardly the talk of a Fenian. As for Martin Samuel, one would imagine he is full of the same vitriolic prejudice which seems to plague his tribe. Bring up the Middle East, the War, or poor old Mel Gibson and you would soon bring the hypocrite out of the shadows, with a lecture steeped with the usual self pity and self entitlement. I fear it is that most contemptible of posters Andrew K, who has worn down your regular clemency and temperence in such situations.

[Andrew K]

Some interesting points there Crouchy..

It's funny that your giving out about anti English sentiment as if you are some innocent aggrieved party. Do you actually remember writing "Ode to an irish etc" on the guardian blog two years ago??

Do you remember what you referred to Irish people as? And you think it's actually surprising that there is anti English sentiments amongst us??

Your even blinder than I thought!!

Also your point about the croke park massacre is irrelevant - the Cairo gang, as they were called, who were killed were targets of war. The very function of this Cairo gang was to hunt down the IRA. They weren't innocent brits fast asleep in their beds. Don't paint historical facts incorrectly to suit your point - its pathetic.

But how did you murdering brits respond?? Go and hunt some IRA folk perhaps? Nope! you rolled straight into a sports game in an armored vehicle and gunned down innocent spectators and players!!

You should all be ashamed of yourself!

[F. Bletherington-onabit]

Andrew K - Push off, there's a good chsp..

[Celtic BEEFCAKE]

Viscount, kindly enjoy this video clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUQ2Wt1mSKg&feature=player_embedded#at=170

It's a beeftacular.

[Gemini]

What's wrong with a little pride and rivalry in sport dear Viscount?

Would you really prefer that Ireland became one of those growing number of EU countries like Spain that are ashamed of their flag; ashamed of their identity?

No doubt the Irish players will use anything they can to get into the most punishing mindset, but they'll have a nice dinner with your lads afterwards too and all is forgotten. I've heard both ROG and BOD saying how much they admire Martin Johnston in the past, so how about your boys follow his lead from 2003 next time you are in dublin and have a little pride yourselves. You colonised the world and now you can't even kick penalties from underneath the posts?

[Biocunta]

Stuff and nonsense, revered Viscount.

Samuel is an abomination, typical of Fleet Street's 'finest' xenophobic and myopic sports writers, all secretly angling for Richard Littlejohn's throne.

And with this posting you have shown that, of all the pretend gay noblemen on the internet, you are the most preposterous (but keep it up).

Biocunta

[Not another Paddy]

This Twat Crouchback has to resort to anti-Irish vile speak because its the ONLY way he can get more then a couple of comments on this delusional website.Whats even more amazing is Mr Crouchback seems to think its ok to speak about Irish people in this way.You sad puppy!

[Iskrar]

Would all the Irish who post poor-mouth faux-patriotic bile to this website please give it a rest. Adopt a typically British stiff-upper lip, confident in the fact that we metted out a good and proper beasting to our arch-nemesis. Point out to John Bull his obvious short-comings on the field (Danny Care) but in a gracious manner. This is after all rugby not oikball. And we conduct ourselves like gentleman.

I for one think this blog as one of the more amusing internet ramblings made by an obvious (but yet awfully funny) troll who is depending on Irish quicknees to temper to back up a preconceived notion of racial stereotype. Take it in stride lads, we bashed them, we will do it again and enjoy the feeling. If some imperial bloater starts ranting and raving, do not respond in kind. Point him instead towards evidence of his fallacy. Such as this..

http://images.sportinglife.com/09/11/330/Sean-O-Brien-Ireland-v-Fiji_2387684.jpg

or indeed this...

http://paimages.s3.amazonaws.com/categories/sport/480x385/10398008.jpg

[Micheal O'Coileain]

Dear Crouch,
Nick Easter obviously knows his history better than you. The only appropriate attitude for an Englishman to take vis-a-vis Irish history is as that a German should take vis-a-vis Jewish history; a sense of deep shame and embarrassment.
Please do not be surprised at the ravenous hunger of the Irishman to defeat the Englishman; a hunger driven by folk memories of the Great Hunger, of penal laws, of ethnic cleansing, of forced depopulation, of Cromwell and massacre.

If Nike made an ad about the "achievements" of Britain in Ireland, it would be even less successful than last week's effort!

[Micheal O'Coileain]

Oh, and to point out a little inconsistency:
"The British Army killed barely a fraction of that figure, very few of them civilians."
"the bandits who, on that very Sunday morning, had murdered a dozen or so Britons in their beds - in their pyjamas, no less, as they lay alongside their wives - in their hotel bedrooms."

The Cairo Gang were not "civilians"...so, going by British Army "logic", their killing was alright, then?
All's fair in love and war...

[Royston Bunbury, esq]

Lord, crouchers, this one has smoked the paddies from the peat!
Can't believe they are still crying over their forbears' inability to count to more than one when it came to crop-growing time and the imaginary depredations of Cromwell.
As to the Samuel article, if his quotes are accurate and the posters here are correct about Trimble's religious affiliation, then it is Trimble who is missing the point really. But then, despite being from the honest side of the border, he is still a Mick and clearly a bit tic.

[Nike shox]

Great! We finally see star luo he too handsome so cool I love him to death cough up...

[Flight Lieutentant Charles Dingworthy]

"Irishmen have murdered literally thousands of British citizens over the past forty years. The British Army killed barely a fraction of that figure, very few of them civilians."

This is interesting...
Can you furnish us with any figures to prove this old boy?

[beijing opera night show]

Always good to come across a really thoughtful site,LIKE YOUR BLOG. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!